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[ for a moment, cal tenses up. not so long ago, being seen was a bad thing. it left the opportunity for closeness, for people getting hurt or even worse hurting him by ratting him out. there's a part of him that can't blame them for that either; after all, under the empire's rule everyone has to do what they have to do to survive.

he takes a deep breath, tries to center himself. it's more work than it should be but he's hiding injuries and yeah. yeah, this hits close to home. ] Which part?

I mean... Yeah. But don't we all have experience with something awful that, maybe, if you'd known sooner-- things would be different? We're all here to change regrets.

[ There's a cant to the dog's head as he considers that statement, looking honestly impressed by it. He laughs a little, rubbing the back of his neck. ]

I mean, you're not wrong. [ It's what they were all doing here, wasn't it? Though awful was probably a qualifier that changed considerably from person to person. ] But it was just after Grove mentioned how much he knew. It got to you, I could feel it.

Not trying to call you out or anything, dude. Honest. [ And he means it, using a voice that his little brother would recognize as special. The kind of tone reserved for realtalks. ] S'just that all this stuff is a mess and we've got some time to kill if you wanna unravel it a little.

Oh--- Yeah, yeah... that. [ that was a good catch, jake.

cal chuckles, dropping his chin to his chest before looking back up. he shifts, rolls his shoulders back and then looks up at the sky above them. there's an asteroid out there. it's coming closer by the second and, soon, it'll make contact. it'll hit and if they can't figure out, then countless souls will become one with the force or whatever the hivawei believe comes next.

the death, if it comes, cal knows he'll feel it.

but that's not what they're talking about. no. jake is giving him a chance to talk and cal finds that he wants to take it. ] I used to not want to talk about it, for a long time. It wasn't safe to talk about it.

But I guess it is now. [ he says after a moment, still not looking at jake. he speaks slowly, carefully. ] I know what a warning can do when you're facing what feels like an inevitable end. I'm alive because we had a warning that something was coming and because my-- my teacher risked his life for me.

[ It's a quiet little moment. Still, but anticipatory, like watching a coin spin on its side and waiting to see if it would land on heads or tails. Jake watches him with practiced patience; the absent bob of his knee served as the only clue to his concern.

It could go either way, Jake knew that. And he knew from unfortunate experience that forcing a point almost never worked. So... he waits. And thankfully, this time, he's rewarded for it. ]

Yeah? [ There's a casualness to Jake's voice, rich with interest instead of pity. He didn't know if this boy was anything like Finn, but the only way Jake knew to make teenage boys feel safe enough to open up was by treating the entire thing as ordinary. Just another conversation. Safe, in its mundanity. ] What happened?

[ it seems young boys continue to be predictable; even if those young boys, teenagers, are nearly grown men. or if they've lived the lives haggard men have lived in other worlds. ] Yeah. Talking about it meant it was all real...

[ and part of cal wanted to wake up from the nightmare as much as he wanted to find more survivors, to charge into the empire's bases and make them pay for what they'd done. but he gets to do that now. he does. ] It was a school for peacekeepers and we were betrayed by those we were meant to protect.

[ Jake nods, drumming his fingers against the flat expanse of his own body. It wasn't much detail, but it would be something to go on. For now. ]

Sounds scary. [ Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't, but Jake figures Cal's reaction to that will assumption will tell him more than asking outright. ] Did your teacher manage to get everyone out?

[ Or just you? is the implied part that Jake does not ask. ]

I was my teacher's only apprentice and we were the only once from our Order on the 'Brave. That was our-- the ship we were on. The Albedo Brave. [ the albedo brave had been cal's second home; his place of safety outside of the jedi temple on coruscant.

he takes a breath, remembering that day -- they'd just helped the scrapper's guild, had secured bracca for the galactic republic when the 13th division of clone troopers turned on their commander. ] Everyone else on that ship had turned on us. He told me to meet him at the escape pods, to get there as fast as I could.

[ cal draws his legs up, so he's sitting with his knees bent in front of himself. as the motions come back, memories he'd hidden for so long and only recently sifted through, it's harder to keep the glimpses of truth and details from his world at bay. ] And I did but I lost my light-saber along the way.

[ a deep breath; 'one, two, reach out to the force and let it guide you, cal. trust in it,' jaro tapal's voice speaks in his mind. ] So when we met up and the stormtroopers found us, I wasn't able to help him fight them off.

[ It's a story that speaks louder than the events presented. Stories were like that. The details people chose to emphasis, the things that stood out loudest in their memories, those were as revealing as tone and body language.

In Cal's retelling, he was already in a lonely position. Isolated with one other person; a person who was apparently enough to make that ship still feel like an our. Jake was part of an our too; he could still recall all those times he'd reminded Finn that home is wherever people care about you, wherever we're together. His little brother had only barely been twelve at the time, but that didn't make the sentiment any less true.

A fact that makes the rest of Cal's version of events all the more prescient. It's impossible to miss how the betrayal scarcely merits a mention, while his own misdeeds -- the crime of being afraid, of forgetting his sword -- scored top billing. ]

He wouldn't care, Cal. [ Jake didn't even know the man's name, but there was zero hedging of bet's in his voice. He sounds absolutely sure. ] He told you to get there as fast as you could, and you did. You're alive now, that's what matters.

I know. [ and he doesn't sound like he needs convincing there. he does know that master tapal wanted him to live, to survive. ] I spent a long time thinking he was angry with me. That he was disappointed I never lived up to his last wish for me but... But I know now.

[ he looks up at jake, trying to smile but instead his lips just quiver before he looks back down, reaches out to run his hands over the scales beneath them.

he does know. he does. but maybe -- maybe it hasn't all sunk in yet. ] He told me he was proud. [ a pause, because the man was dead and he'd implied that. ] Through the Force.

[ For all it was incongruous and strange, Jake could feel the tension in Cal's hands even as Jake "sat" in front of him. It was all Jake, from the wings beating behind them to the dog-shaped person sitting in front of him now, smiling encouragingly. ]

The Force?

[ The rest doesn't merit a direct comment, not beyond the expression on Jake's face. That was Cal's moment. Cal's important connection to the man who, Jake presumes, died for him. He didn't need to validate that man from beyond the grave -- he already had all the validation he needed from Cal himself. ]

It's something back home... well. [ he pauses, shakes his head sharply. ] No.

It's everywhere. It's the energy that moves through all things, living and not. When we die, we become one with the Force. Mastar Tapal is one with it now. [ and connected to it as cal is, he can speak to his master like that. if the man is willing to answer him. ] And I-- back home, certain people are sensitive to it.

We can control it. We get powers from it. [ then he glances up again, meeting jake's eyes. ] That's what made us dangerous to those who betrayed us.

[ It's not the word that Jake would use for it, and it's not the word that he's heard others use for it here aboard the Ximilia, but it's a strange sort of comforting how immediately resonant Jake finds the boy's explanation. An energy that moves through all things, that pulls people together and pushes them apart, that never really goes away but instead recycles again and again.

Upon their eyes meeting, Jake's smile falters. Being considered dangerous by those around you for something beyond your own control... it's something Jake himself had fallen victim to, taking up arms on both the right side and the wrong at different points in his life. He scoots closer along his own back to sit alongside the boy. ]

If someone's only dangerous in your own mind, that's no reason to hurt them. You have a gift, kiddo. I know it probably doesn't always feel like one, but being in touch with the world around you is a good thing. Even if means things hurt a little more than they do for other people.

[ It was no wonder the kid seemed so moved by the fate of this place. Of course he would. Cal was experiencing it in real time, all the time. ]

It can be dangerous. The Force, I mean, if you let your anger control you and fall to the Dark side. [ he thinks of cere, teetering on the edge in front of darth vader and then of trilla. trilla who'd fallen, who'd tried to look upward before her life had been cut short.

he thinks of it and shudders, bites into his lower lip and then glances up at the sky above them. there's an asteroid there, heading toward this place and he can feel the planet growing more nervous; it'll be worse once the people know, when the hivawei are afraid too. ] I wasn't always in tune with it.

My connection was damaged for a while and then I was trying to suppress it. [ then he glances at jake. ] But I learned that you can't suppress what you are, that the people who are looking for you will find you anyway if they want to and people will get hurt.

[ then he shakes his head. ] Sorry. That was a lot to dump on you, Jake.

[ The final apology is as unnecessary as it was too late. Jake socks Cal's arm lightly; a gentle reprimand that doesn't actually go so far as to reproach him. He understood the impulse, even now. That urge to be tough, to never let the fear show, Jake's own father was that kind of man. Jake was that kind of man, for a long time.

Nobody should have to be that. Especially not a kid. ]

Are you kidding? You know how big I can get, dude? Nothing you can dump on me I can't handle. [ It's a joke, but it comes with a genuineness too. ] I'm glad you came out the other side of that, kid. 'Cuz you're right. People will get hurt.

[ Is he talking about Cal's past or Ciraiwei? Hard to say. ]

But that doesn't mean we should hurt ourselves, y'know?

[ the words and the nudge to his arm make cal smile, a more genuine smile than before. it's not something he expected to happen, actually, given he'd brought the mood down.

but jake really has a way of making him feel lighter (like he's flying, even when he's technically not the one flying here!) it does remind him of greez, with his humor even when he's being pessimistic. jake's the opposite of that though. a welcome change and, later, cal will appreciate not being the beacon of hope on the station. ] You can get pretty big. I've seen it.

[ he pats jake's back. well, the one he's sitting on. ] We shouldn't hurt ourselves but...

[ he furrows his brows. ] We shouldn't stand aside and let people get hurt if we can help them.

[ and then more firmly, like it's a promise not only himself but to jake and to someone that's not with them. ] I won't do that again.

[ The smile allows Jake to relax, even if it doesn't last long. He should've known early on that the comfort and ease he felt around this kid traced back to Finn in some way; the moodiness, the determination, and now, of course, the internal drive to help people no matter what. It didn't make Jake upset, per se. If anything, it made him proud. Sticking up for people who couldn't stick up for themselves? That was always the right thing to do, and something that seemed to come naturally to people like his brother. It was something Jake could always respect (and worry over), but never fully understand.

To hear that Cal struggled with it too? It surprises him. Enough to prompt a question, despite himself. ]

Do what again, bud?

Edited 2023-04-03 20:15 (UTC)

Stand by. [ cal says after silence passes between them, stretches out over the minutes.

he swallows then, lets out a sigh. cal hasn't forgotten his goal and it feels like a curse and a blessing that this has come up. it means he'll fulfill it, sure, but the topic hurts. another beat passes. he's sure that jake won't judge him for it. he's been so patient with cal, after all; less remnant of a jedi master and more friend.

at least he's pretty sure. ] Mastar Tapal saved me, he sent the escape pod to Bracca and I hid there for a long time, joined the Scrapper's Guild to survive.

I tried to hide my powers, who and what I was, but the Inquistors found me eventually. [ he snorts, remembering trilla's modified voice through the helmet she wore. ] They said they were seeking a dangerous fugitive. No common anarchist but a devotee of the treasonous Jedi Order.

They found a group of us riggers and lined us up, held up their rifles. They asked the Jedi to step forward or everyone would die. [ he takes a breath. ] I couldn't move.

I--I didn't move. But my-- my friend Prauf did.

[ Jake listens quietly, expression remaining neutral even in the darkest parts of his tale. There were words he didn't know, places that rang through unfamiliar, but those details were secondary. The story Cal told now was an old story, and a universal one. Friend sacrificing themself for friend, putting themself second so that their kin could live. The details that made it alien didn't matter; it was the core of it that struck through Jake's heart.

He stretches an arm around the boy's shoulder reflexively, rubbing his back on instinct. Whether those instincts were that of his species or his own paternal senses, Jake couldn't be sure. ]

You should've never been in that situation in the first place, kid. Neither of you should've. It's not fair. [ The hand against his back presses firm, as if trying to hammer home the point physically. ] You're just a kid.

[ he knows he shouldn't have been. not when the jedi had been peacekeepers; when he hadn't done anything wrong by wanting to survive and hiding.

the touch makes him flinch but-- well, cal hasn't been hugged in a long time. not often, not when he's upset. normally, at that point, it's time to fight and to hold it together so that he can distract the danger from everyone else. that's his job now.

so he leans into jake, tucks his chin into his own shoulder and that arm holding him steady as they fly above the world. ] I'm a Jedi.

I'm--- I haven't been a kid in a long time. [ which hurts to say but that's the truth of it too and he doesn't know anything else either. ]

[ It's a sentiment he's heard before, and was about as into then as he was now. Frowning, Jake tucks his arm more surely around Cal, allowing him to lean against him with a tight squeeze and a slow exhale.

Some things just were so... completely unfair. ]

Yeah, I bet you've heard that a lot. [ He says, holding back his distaste in favor of a gentle neutrality. It wasn't Cal's fault how he'd had his own existence presented to him. ] But not being a kid doesn't make you grown, neither.

That's kind of the way it was for us. [ for jedi, yes, but pretty much all the children in the galaxy now. under the empire's iron-fist rule, there's little room for childhood.

or maybe there is for those with wealth and allegiance. ] What does it make me then?

[ a survivor, maybe? that's what merrin and he had called themselves. cal feels like a survivor more than he feels like a child, like a young man at the cusp of adulthood who held the fate of so many in his hands. ]

[ It's funny, hearing a kid talk about childhood. By whatever definition Cal had for it -- innocence, being cared for, being shielded from the horrors of the world -- it wasn't necessarily one that Jake agreed with. Maybe that was a mark of age, or simply a mark of philosophical differences.

Regardless, Jake wouldn't push the kid to adopt his worldview over the one he came by through his own life. That wasn't his place, nor was it something Jake thought he was even capable of.

Instead, he meets Cal where he lives, shrugging honestly with a laugh. ]

It makes you you, kid. That's all anybody can ask you to be. There'll be a lot of yous before you're done growing. [ What had that old duke said once? Jake sprouts an extra arm, mussing Cal's hair with a quick noogie. ] And you never really stop growing, either.

[ that ruffle of hair earns a laugh and cal nudges jake with his shoulder, to knock him off. not that cal cares about his looks, but he knows his hair will already be a nest without the extra ruffling. ] Who knows, maybe I'm done with my growth spurt?

[ he's already over six feet! but even so cal's aware that jake's not talking about physically. when the laughter dies down, he nods slightly. ] I just hope that the mes ahead do better for my friends.

[ One thing about Jake; no matter how tall the kids in his life get, he could always get taller. A nice perk of being perpetually avuncular. ]

I hope so too, kid. [ For Jake's friends, as well. The old dog's way of expressing concern, albeit indirectly. He didn't want to embarrass the boy, not when he was in that ripe age where boyhood was a not-distant memory, and adulthood was rapidly approaching. ] Why don't you at least try to get a little sleep? My skin folds make a pretty great blanket, and still a long ways back to the village. You're gonna need your rest.

[ after the conversation, cal does find himself more tired than before. the wind's no longer pushing them about, they're cruising steadily. it almost reminds him of the stinger mantis floating throat space; almost.

but the offer to sleep earns a nod. that's a victory when dealing with a teenage boy, if anything. ] I'll rest but I gotta draw the line at skin folds, I think.

[ he offers a wry smile to the dog-turned-dragon-turned--- turned another dog on a dragon? ] Thanks for everything, Jake.

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